So I haven’t written about anything for a while, mainly because nothing big is happening right now, but yesterday I had an interesting day and I wanted to share that with you.

First off: I dyed my hair! It’s really cool!

It’s green! Well, the front and tips are. Man it was so much fun! I wanted something different and I decided I wanted to dye my hair, and it took FOREVER to figure out what color. I finally decided the day before I got it done that I was going to try for Jade Green, and I think it got pretty close 🙂 My favorite descriptions of the color is Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream, Fairy, and/or Mermaid. It makes me want to make a fairy costume specifically for my hair!

Now the thing I wanted to talk about ties into this new hairdo I have. One of my favorite things to do is mess with people’s heads. Even when I was a small, sweet and innocent 14 year old I liked messing with people. I used to be a janitor, and I ALWAYS had my MP3 player on me, and I would sing to my favorite songs really loud cause I knew I was the only one in the building. Well, I always wanted someone to say out loud how teenagers always have music playing and it would be heavy rock or the like (unfortunately it never happened), you know that stereotype, but in reality I was listening to piano and relaxing music like Pure Moods most of the time. It wasn’t until about a year ago that I started to really like listening to loud pop and a bit of rock music.

So that’s the kind of messing I like. I like to break stereotypes (at least in the beginning it was mainly stereotypes) and show people that I was no ordinary teenager. These days I’ve gotten pretty good at that, and my favorite thing to do is while I’m driving bus. I may have mentioned that I’m a school bus driver, and even  though I’m 21 I tend to look 16, and I love driving by police cars, because when the officers notice me, they tend to have a confused and sometimes a bit concerned look on their faces. It’s the best!

Anyway, the thing I wanted to mention about yesterday is that because I dyed my hair green, which is what young teenagers tend to do more than young adults, I felt like every time I was out in public I was shattering every stereotype in the world! Even though that really wasn’t true, I was really confident in myself, which I thought was a really great thing. But then I near the end of the day I started feeling sort of uncomfortable, like I shouldn’t be so proud of my comfort around people, and I started getting negative looks and feelings towards me. Let’s just say my depression started to get the better of me.

But then I read a post on tumblr. It read

“how the heck do people just stay motivated their entire lives? what drives you? I got out of bed once and i’ve been exhausted ever since.”

And someone replied with “You need to learn to hate life to the point where you want to get revenge on existence itself”

Now I didn’t completely agree with hating life, however I thought of it this way: Live in a way that life will regret ever trying to mess with you.

And that reminded me that I don’t have to care what other people think. I like my hair, I like the music I listen to, I like my clothes, and I like my way of LIFE, and that’s all that matters. I’ve heard that saying all my life, but now I finally understand how important it is to remember to like yourself, no matter what anyone else says or thinks.

So I just wanted to share this experience, mainly because it’s been on my mind for a while, but I also wanted to share it for those who might need a reminder to be happy with you, like the song by Colbie Caillat “Try”. If you haven’t heard that song before, I suggest looking it up, because it’s such a good song! It’s one of my top faves!

Anyway, I hope you all have a fantastic day, and thanks for listening to my ramblings. TTYL!

So I just sorta need to vent a bit so you don’t have to read this. Who knows, I might put something inspirational at the end like I try too, but we’ll see what happens. This will probably be just rambling 😛

SO! Have you ever felt like you’re life is going nowhere? Like you’re in a rut and not quite sure how to get out? I’ve been feeling this was for a while now. I think most of it is because I’m SO excited for things that are going to happen in a few months. At the beginning of June I’m going east with my Best Friend 5-ever and we’re going to get jobs for over the summer. I’m excited for this for a few reasons: 1. We’ll be in Virginia and I’ve never been that far east    2. It will be the first time I’ll get a full-time job    3. It will be the longest amount of time I’ll be away from my family.

Now. What my theory is is that I want it to be June so badly that time has decided to slow down JUST FOR ME and it feels like an eternity. Plus, I am slipping into this routine everyday where I go to work, I go home and lounge around, I go back to work, I go home and lounge again, then try to sleep, then the cycle starts all over, with a few different activities on different days. This is very frustrating for me because then I feel like I’m doing nothing with my life, when in reality I’m just waiting. Waiting for my adventure to begin.

To make things worse, there are so many things I could do between my work shifts, but I just spend all day either watching YouTube videos or on Tumblr or web surf the same pages over and over again. I could be working on studying for my SAT, I could be recording music for my YouTube channel. I could be oh I don’t know WRITING!

But I’m not. So I have a question for you guys who read this. Do you have a way to motivate yourself to do things you should? It’s very possible my depression is why it’s so hard for me to be productive, but if there’s a fun or cool way to maybe trick myself into doing stuff that would be great 😀

I you have any ideas for me just comment on this post. That would be way cool.

Thanks for reading this rambling of mine. I do feel better already just by writing it out 🙂 I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Have you ever had those days where you really want to do something (whether it be a craft, being active or I don’t know WRITING) and you have some really good ideas/things to do and/or a big desire to do ANYTHING and the second you sit down to do it, you suddenly feel like “never mind, I don’t want to do this right now” but the desire is still there? I’ve been feeling like this for almost two weeks now.

Part of it is because I have depression and I’ve been having problems with it lately (not suicide levels thankfully). But I haven’t been sleeping well, which is really bad since I get up at 6 am for work, my diet is completely out of whack *munches another pretzel* and I really don’t want to deal with anyone, not even my close friends at this point., which makes me even more depressed and not wanting to do ANYTHING.

But you know what? It’s moments like these that I have to remind myself that I’m lucky that I don’t have to deal with chronic depression, I have amazing friends and family who are always there for me no matter what, and I’m working hard on taking care of myself more. When I remind myself of the progress I’m making, or how I have a job that no one my age has, or how I have chances to do incredible things, I feel better. I have so many things I can be grateful for, and wonderful talents that let me help others in way not everyone can. That is what pushes me to work harder to be the person I KNOW I can be.

So if you’re feeling low or you are having a rough time, take a little bit of time to think about all the good things in your life. Even if you can only think of one thing, hold that close to your heart. Let it be the beacon that leads you back into the light of your potential, and use it to push yourself to be as amazing as you can be, no matter how long it takes. And as you find more things to be grateful for, add it to your little store, so that your beacon grows brighter and stronger, guiding you.

Don’t let pain, sadness or grief control you. It will only lead you down a dark hole that is really hard to climb back out of.