Category Archives: Personal Life

“Take My Place”

Long time no see! A lot has been happening lately and I have had so little time to write. It’s been terrible honestly. Good news is I have a new job that is very steady in schedules. Bad news, it’s full time so my free time has been greatly diminished. However! Unlike school, once I leave work I’m done for the day and can just do whatever I want when I get home 🙂

Anyways, here’s my next piece from my creative writing class. I was inspired by this one when I adopted my cat Anya. I had a dog since I was four and had to put him down a few years ago(if I remember correctly I made a post about him). What was really interesting was Anya really didn’t like me the first week or so. She would throw a fit every time I picked her up! Then one morning she was super lovey and cuddly, and I like to think that some version of this story occurred the night before.

Well, enjoy!


Take My Place

I had been a loyal friend and follower my entire life. So much so, I never wanted to leave my post. I was by her side every waking moment, no matter how much my body howled for rest. I was going to stay with her forever, no matter what.

We would go outside together and play games, usually with me chasing her around the tiny yard, pretending that we were secret agents on missions to save the world, or whatever else she wanted to play that day. No matter what we did, I made sure to stay close to her and keep her safe from any harm that could fall upon her.

I still remember vividly the day I left. My body was so old, so frail, that it didn’t take long for the drug to take effect. I slipped from that world into this one almost instantly, one where I was young again and could run free! Not only that, but I was always surrounded by my second favorite thing in the whole wide world: tennis balls. I could play with those to my heart’s content, day in and day out!

It was while I was playing with a ball that could throw itself that I was approached by a man in pure white robes. He was from her family, but I never met him in my previous life. He was actually the one who welcomed me here and showed me everything. “Josey, my good boy, I have a special task for you. Your final part of your mission.”

The ball was completely forgotten. There was a final part? I thought I was done! What could I possibly do now?

The man laughed, “Don’t worry, it won’t take you long. You will get to see your precious girl again, one last time.”

My tail wagged furiously. My Girl! I can finally see her again! I felt so sad when I left her in tears, her heart breaking at my leaving. The thought of being able to do one more thing for her filled my heart to bursting!

The man led me to one of the many viewing pools that littered the ground, many of which were being used by others who lived here, both human and animal.

I had used these pools so many times when I first got here, watching my Girl’s every move throughout the day. I would lay there for hours, never moving. I didn’t need to eat or sleep anymore, so it wasn’t too difficult. I hated myself at first for leaving, even though I didn’t have a choice in the matter, because I thought that I had failed. My Girl was so sad, so heartbroken, and I couldn’t do anything about it. The man had come and helped me be able to move on, but it wasn’t until I felt that she really would be okay that I began to relax and enjoy myself here.

The man pointed at the pool, “Look there my friend! There is your final task.”

The cloudy water began to clear, showing my Girl sitting in a tiny house. She was on her ‘laptop’, or at least that’s what the man called it. I wagged my tail and panted, despite my not needing to breathe. It was my Girl!

The man knelt down next to me, his face beaming, “Yes, that’s her alright! It’s almost time for her to sleep for the night, and when she does, I want you to go down there and talk to a certain someone.”

I looked up at him in confusion. I couldn’t interact with my Girl anymore, that was the first thing I was told when I got here! She can’t see me, let alone touch me, how am I supposed to-

That was when I saw it. A tiny, gray furball barely walking on its four stumpy legs. On closer inspection I saw that one of it’s eyes seemed deformed, the pupil not narrowing completely halfway up. It cried out pitifully, causing my Girl to get up and go to it. She picked it up, much to its offense, and tried to snuggle with it, ignoring the claws and protests the kitten mewled out.

I barked twice in both surprise and slight annoyance. What was my Girl doing with a cat?

The man laughed, “I know, quite a shock, isn’t it?” He placed a gentle hand on my back as we watched my Girl and the kitten go to bed, much to the kitten’s annoyance. “That little one is the first pet she got since you left. She almost didn’t get it at first, if it wasn’t for the prodding of her friends.”

Was I hearing this right? I’ve been replaced?

As though he could read my mind (which wouldn’t be a surprise at this point), the man said “Of course nothing could replace you and the years of service you gave, but that little one is giving our sweet girl a chance to be happy again. Your mission is to go and inform that kitten of the importance her role is.”

I jumped onto the man and licked his face enthusiactically. I would do anything in order for my Girl to be happy again, even if it meant talking with a cat. Readying myself first, I leapt into the pool, it’s swirling water washing over me as I gracefully swam through it towards my Girl. It was a strange feeling. I was never good at swimming because I would always accidentally inhale the water, but this wasn’t really water. It felt more like a thick smoke that pushed me onwards towards my destination.

In the blink of an eye I was there, standing in the tiny house my Girl was living in. The lights were all off, the full moon outside the only source of light coming through the windows. I padded softly to the bedroom, jumping up the single stair with ease. I could barely see my Girl underneath all of her blankets; only her brown hair could be seen. I ached to be able to curl up next to her again, providing warmth like I always did. She always did have trouble with staying warm. I shook my head to clear it, my task had to take top priority.

The kitten was curled up at the foot of the bed, sleeping as far away from my Girl as it possibly could, which made my fur bristle. Can’t it see that she’s cold? It’s an honor to be able to sleep in the same bed and this little furball is squandering it!

With a huff, I prodded at the kitten, my ghostly paw fazing right through it. Apparently, that was all it took because the kitten shot straight up, looking around for the source of its disturbance. “What was that?!” it squeaked. When it’s misshapen eyes landed on me they widened with terror. “What are you?!”

I huffed again. Laying down on the bed I got closer to its eye level. “Obviously I’m a dog, Josey. What are you called?”

The kitten eyed me warily, “…I don’t know. The giant calls me things, but I can’t understand them. Why do you look funny?” It froze. “Are you dead?!”

The cat was smarter than it looked. “Listen cat, I have something important to tell you, so listen closely because I can’t stay long.”

The kitten slowly sat down, its fur still bristling, “What would a ghost dog want to tell me?”

I looked over at my Girl. She hadn’t moved since I got here, which was somewhat unusual compared to how much she would move around throughout the night. In a quite tone I started, “I used to be her companion. I was her protector for years, but I had to go. My body couldn’t last any longer.”

Glancing back at the kitten, I saw it was also watching my Girl. “…Is that why she was sad?”

I was surprised. I didn’t know cats could sense human emotions, let alone a kitten as small as this. “What?”

“She was sad when she got me. She smiled, but I could tell that something about me made her sad. That’s why I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to make her sad.”

This definitely was as strange cat. “I don’t think you make her sad. She has been alone since I left, so maybe she is still lonely.”

The kitten perked up at that, “Really? Then…it’s not my fault?”

I looked over at my Girl again. She shifted in her sleep, throwing her arm over her head as though batting away something. Perhaps she could hear us in her sleep? “Yes,” I said gently, “I think you make her happy.” It was then that I realized what it was I was supposed to tell this small creature. It weighed heavy in my heart, but I knew it was the truth. I looked down at the kitten, who seemed to be no longer scared. In fact, it seemed happier. “Cat, I can’t protect her anymore, so now it’s your turn. You must take my place and give her the help and love that she needs, so that she can be happy. Will you be her new protector and love her like I did?”

The kitten nodded gravely, standing up now with what seemed to be pride, “I promise! I will love her for you, don’t you worry! I will make sure she’s happy for ever and ever!” It stopped and looked confused. “How do I do that?”

It was quiet as I thought about this. The cat was very small, no bigger than my snout. The only thing it seemed to have going for it was the needle sharp claws that all cats had, so that was something at least. “Just be there for her for now. As you get stronger you’ll be able to help more.”

The kitten nodded, “Got it! I’ll do what I can!”

I grinned a large doggy grin. For the first time since I left, I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders as the responsibility I had borne for my whole life transferred over to this tiny little kitten. My Girl would be just fine now, that much I knew.

There was a pull at my collar, as though a leash was tugging me back. My time was finished here. I stood up and tried to pat the kitten’s head, hoping that it understood my gesture. “Good luck, cat. Thank you.” With those parting words I leapt upwards towards the heavens, looking back down to see that the kitten had curled up next to my precious Girl.


Because I treat my pets as though they are my children, LOOK HOW PRECIOUS THEY ARE!

Thanks for reading 🙂

 


Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

2016 is finally coming to an end, and oh boy has it been a wild ride! Full of good times and bad for everyone in the world, unfortunately with more bad than good, it can be difficult to be happy, especially during this time a year.

For me personally, it took a long time for me to get into the Christmas spirit. Last week when I realized Christmas was only a few days away, I honestly panicked a bit. I usually try and buy my presents months in advance so that I wouldn’t have to worry about last minute shopping in the snow and ice, however the only present I had gotten months ago was a necklace I ordered for my mom’s birthday. By the time Christmas was a week away I had only found something for my sister on Black Friday and half of something for my mom.

I honestly was very concerned (concerned meaning I was stressing hardcore). When I was running around like a maniac looking for presents like so many others out there in the snow and rain, the last thing on my mind was the Christmas Spirit. The only thing I was worried about was finding stuff for my family that they would like within my very small budget, which of course meant buying pricey stuff with as much money as I could spare!

It wasn’t until about four days before Christmas Eve that I realized what kind of mindset I was in. I was talking to my parents when my dad lamented that he had not gotten anything for mom for Christmas. Without thinking I told him that having him here in the flesh for Christmas would be gift enough not only for her but for all of us. Mom agreed with me, but what I had said struck me. I was so busy worrying about having enough money to buy things for the ones I love that I didn’t realize what I already had. My dad was home, in the flesh, for not only Thanksgiving but also Christmas. Yes, that meant we had almost no money coming in, but dad is HERE, for the first time in YEARS! I was there; yes living in a *cough*cursed*cough* leaky 5th wheel trailer, but I was with my family. ALL of my dearest, closest friends were here with me, allowing us to spend our own little ‘squadmas’ party and exchange gifts with each other before going to our own families.

Honestly, I was disappointed with myself. I was worrying over the material things when I should have been so grateful for what I already had. I felt like I was in a cheesy Christmas movie, learning about the true meaning of Christmas after going through so many things I thought were major when they really weren’t.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I finally remembered what the most important things in life are. I’m a little mad at myself for having to relearn this lesson in the first place, but after all that has happened in this past year we need to try and remember what is most important in life: the ones we love. Stuff isn’t what makes us the most happy, it’s being able to be home and surrounded by family and friends. In the darkest times of our lives, the only constant we can rely on are those who truly, honestly care about us.

2017 is going to be a new start for me. I have two resolutions that I plan on working on: first take better care of my body so that I can be healthy, and second stress less over my funds and concentrate more on keeping my connections with others strong.

What are your resolutions? What did you learn this Christmas/year? I would love to hear from you, either in the comments here or in my Facebook post.

I hope you all had a pleasant holiday season, and good luck on the new year. I believe in you!


Happy Mothers Day!

Today is a day where we celebrate the awesomeness that are mothers! All over the country mothers are showed with flowers, chocolates and countless gifts by their loved ones, but I run into a small problem every year. What do you get someone who is a saint? I usually figure something out, in fact this year I was able to paint a simple picture of a peacock, her favorite animal. But I always have the problem of feeling like what I do or make isn’t enough to show the amount of love and gratitude I have for my mother.

Let me tell you about my mother. She grew up in unusal circumstances, with her mother murder when she was very young and her father walking out of her life. So she and her brother were raised by her grandparents. We always like to joke that the mother’s side of the family, the Parkers, have a curse to die prematurely for odd reasons, because they seemed to drop like flies while she grew up. Her brother, my uncle Mark, died from medicine malpractice, her grandmother died from diabetes that she didn’t really take care of, and her father was shot by his new girlfriend on his birthday. I’ve never been so happy to not have a certain name!

So my Mom went through a lot of death during her childhood, she had to take care of her grandparents while growing up, and only really had one best friend in her life. After her grandmother died, her grandfather became bitter and would often take it out on my mom, but she continued to help him and care for him. When she first told me her story, I marveled at how happy she was and still is. She never complains about life or when things go wrong and she always had a smile on her face.

Her story doesn’t end there. She met my Dad, who was very bitter at the world, and they didn’t like each other very much. Then they started hanging out, then dating, then eventually my Dad asked her to marry him, to which she (eventually) said yes. When they went to her grandfather for his blessing, he didn’t approve. He forced her to choose him or my Dad, and I’m sure you can guess who she chose. She was ready to live her life. Unfortunately the rest of her family weren’t very happy with her decision, so they cut off communication with her, leaving her all alone.

Years later I came along, then my brothers, then my sister. All through my life I’ve only seen my mom cry three times that I can remember: when my Grandpa Fritz died, when she accidently stepped on one of our kittens (who survived), and when one of us (I can’t remember who) got her so frustrated and mad she started crying. I don’t know about you, but if I had to go through what she did I wouldn’t be as happy as she is.

She’s always serving us, making sure we have clothes, food, and toys, and she even spent a lot of time working while my dad went to school to help keep a roof over our heads. She taught us how to clean, cook and take care of the various pets we’ve had, then when we moved to a farm she learned with us how to build structures, care for a garden, and take care of a large property.

She also helped us emotionally, especially me. She was always there giving us support during our trials, cheered at our successes, and gave us a shoulder to cry on when things went terribly wrong. I’ve told her everything about my life, my thoughts, my feelings, and she gives me treasured advice. I would not be where I am today if it wasn’t for her, and not just because she gave me life.

I love her with every fiber of my being and I feel so sorry for those who complain about their mothers because of things mothers should do to their children or suffer because of their mothers neglect. I never had that problem. I had a mom who loved me and cared for me. She never belittled me for my thoughts or my mistakes. She always welcomes me home with open arms, no matter how long I’m away. I tell her I lover at the end of every conversation or when we part ways, even if it’s just a wall seperation us. I wish I could show her how much she means to me.

Thank you for listening to my rambling. I hope you all are having a wonderful day, and to all of the mothers out there: Happy Mothers Day!


Why is it so Hard to Love?

This is a question I’ve been asking myself lately. With so much hatred manifesting itself throughout the world, it’s hard to see if there’s any love left, both for others and towards ourselves.

As I’ve mentioned before, I have depression and it’s been getting pretty bad for the last couple of days. As I drove home from work tonight, I wondered why it was so hard for me to just love myself and my existence. I’m always looking out for people, I am very attractive, I have an amazing family, I have caring friends, I even have someone I’m growing very fond of, and yet I can still sit alone in the car and yell at myself for literally no reason other than I am not perfect and last night and throughout today I’ve had thoughts of the many ways I could end it all. I’m very grateful that I still can see that that’s not the solution, but it still scares me.

Then I thought about the recent bombings, terrorist attacks and other violence across the world and wondered how anyone could be happy. There are so many reasons for us to be afraid and feel hopeless, to hate the world and those who cause us harm or pain, and yet I still see so much kindness and love around me. How much better the world can be if we can just love and let go of our contentions! There would be no worries of people hurting others, there would be more service to our fellow man, there would be peace. I realize this is just a wish, but I can’t help but wonder.

But now that I’m done rambling, back to what I was mentioning earlier. I’ve heard people mention that they wonder how someone could live without certain illnesses or trials that others are struggling with, and I’ve wondered the same thing. It must be so nice to be able to go though the day without suddenly screaming at yourself, twitching as a bad memory resurfaces, wanting to run away from everything and everyone at the drop of a dime. It must be so nice to feel comfortable around those you love and not worry about saying or doing something that would make them worry about you. It has been so long since I’ve had that kind of peace that I don’t remember what it was like.

It is very possible that the problems I’m having are results from a chemical imbalance, but I feel that my sensitivity to emotions and moods has a large part to play. With everything that is happening in the world it can be hard for me to be happy. How dare I be happy when others are suffering. How dare I feel peaceful when others are in pain. How dare I.

But then I remember how much work love takes. It’s not something that comes easy and out of the blue. It takes work, time and effort for it to grow and survive. Just because I don’t feel love for myself doesn’t mean I should just give up. I should accept the challenge and work at it because it will be so worth it in the long run.

Sure, the world is a crappy place right now, but shouldn’t we take that as a challenge to make it better in any way we can?

(I apologize for the rambling, but I felt that I needed to say this. Have a great night!)


New Year, New Things

Hey everyone! I hope you all had a fantastic holiday season and that your new year had a great start! I know mine did.

To start off, I’m sorry I’ve been scarce. Last year was a whirlwind of changes, adventure and heartache, which made life difficult, let alone writing! With everything that happened I decided to take a break from a lot of my hobbies and try to spend as much time as I could dealing with everything, one of which was college! I am now attending my first semester at the Brigham Young University of Idaho, and there was still a lot of things I had to do (and still have to do!) I’m staying in a dorm with some friends, and today is my second day of classes, so I’m trying to get used to all of this as well as keep my part-time job AND writing, but I think it’s all coming together.

In case anyone was interested, I’m working towards a Recreational Therapy degree right now, and then when I have the means I will work on my Music Therapy degree, which means a lot of schooling but I think this is the best option for me right now. I’m really excited for my classes, one of which is an English class which will help my writing immensely! I’m looking forward to all of the things I’m going to learn this year 🙂

Another thing I’m working on right now is a Fan-fiction that my friends convinced me to write. If you haven’t played the Dragon Age video game series yet I highly suggest you check them out, it’s a fantastic game! Anyway, one night I couldn’t sleep so I chatted with my other insomniac friends and we got onto the topic of Pokemon. Can you see where this is going yet? Well, I don’t remember who said it first, but we worked out a lot of Pokemon that would fit the personalities and characteristics of the characters from Dragon Age, and it finally ended with ‘You gotta write this!’ So, I did. It’s a work in progress right now and I’m having so much fun with it! I’ve been having to do a lot of research on the characters to make sure I got the personalities just right, and then figure out how these characters would fit in a Pokemon world. If any of you are interested, here’s the link to the first (and only so far) Chapter

Anyway, that’s about all I have so far. One of my new years resolutions is to work more on staying on top of things like my blog and YouTube channel, which both have suffered from being placed on the back burner for months. Going to college will help teach me how to keep a better time schedule, which will not only help me keep good grades, but also learn how to manage my life better.

So I hope you all have a fantastic year full of learning experiences, happiness and success! Thanks for reading!


An Obituary

Yesterday I said good bye to my best friend in the whole world on four legs. My wonderful dog, Josey, had to be put down yesterday at 2 o’ clock after 19 years of life.

He was a chocolate lab/Irish Setter mix. He looked very much like a lab until he got wet, then his hair would curl like a poodle! We got him from the Humane Society in Blackfoot Idaho when I was 4 years old. He was trained to be a hunting dog (ducks to be exact) and he would have been a fantastic hunting dog if it wasn’t for one thing: He couldn’t swim. Whenever we took him to the lake or when he would jump into our ditch in the backyard he would start inhaling the water, causing him to cough. You always knew when he was in the water if you started hearing him coughing! Anyway, because of this he couldn’t get the ducks out of the water, so all of that training and hundreds of dollars his previous owner put in was wasted. So he gave him to the Humane Society, who then gave him to us.

Because of his training he was the best puppy you could ever ask for. He knew how to sit, lay down, come, all of the basics (we never got heel to stick though). He did however, like all puppies, have a bad habit of chewing things, which included my favorite straw hat! One thing that came from his training that we could’ve lived without was whenever one of our hamsters or other small rodents escaped, he would find them and bring them to my room and leave them at my door, which would’ve been helpful if he didn’t slobber them to death! When we first learned this unfortunate fate it became a race to find the rodents before he did!

I don’t remember how old I was, but I was pretty young when we decided to give him a new home. My parents couldn’t deal with the chewing and destruction of floors whenever we left him home alone. That day we went to the park and took a lot of pictures and said our good byes. He went to a young couple for about a year, and I remember vividly the day when they called my mom. I was in the bathtub when my mom answered the phone, and after a few minutes she asked us if we wanted Josey back. I shouted from the top of my lungs YES! and practically fell out of the tub in excitement! Apparently both of the couple worked during the day and would leave Josey alone, which caused him to completely tear up the carpet under the door and bark until he was hoarse, disrupting the neighbors. After trying many different things and failing they decided to see in we wanted him back, so he returned to us and never chewed on out things ever again.

He lived with us ever since. He stuck close to my side when we ran out of the house during the fire, he was always at my feet during dinner or when I sat at my desk, and he always knew when and how to comfort me. We were best friends, and I naively thought we would be together forever. I imagined him being there when I found my husband, when I had my first kid, I even imagined us becoming secret agents and completing missions together (I was very into spies and secret agents when I was young).

But then he got older with me. He started going grey, deaf, and senile, which at first was funny because he started acting like a puppy again, but then he started reverting back to his hunting days and got a very low tolerance for smaller animals. He would attack our cats and chickens if they got too close; he even killed a couple of them. We learned to keep a close eye on him when outside and around any cats we brought inside. There were a lot of close calls with his health: One time he had a very hard time standing and walking. It turned out that he got hit by a car, and we didn’t really know at the time because he kept walking after it happened. He recovered from that and we were told he would live with us for a few more years.

When I left for Virginia I kept tabs on him, asking my brothers how he was doing. As far as I knew he was doing great. But then we came home, and he stopped eating, and if he did eat he would throw it up. It lasted for about a week, and we tried to find out what was wrong. It was the exact same food he always ate, it was even a brand new bag. The other dogs weren’t having problems so we knew it was something to do with Josey. Then we learned he ate something he shouldn’t have before we came home and my mom thought that it was causing a blockage in his stomach. After a few days of prayer and talking to each other, we as a family finally decided it was time. We spent this last weekend with him, saying our final goodbyes all over again, and then all of us went to the vet on Monday. It happened a lot faster than I thought it would, and I kept petting him until the vet said he was gone. Mom, Savanna and I all cried. Hard. The boys went to the lobby to give us some privacy, which I’m grateful for.

Now he is gone. It still hasn’t quite hit me yet. I hope that when it does it doesn’t break me. but I know that he is much happier. I prayed for him last night and I know that he has reached my Heavenly Father’s side, waiting for the time we’ll be reunited. Until then, I’m sure he’s with my Grandpa Fritz, going out with the angels that have been assigned to protect me. It’s very comforting to know that my loyal companion will always be there with me, no matter where I go or what I do. I’m going to miss him, but I’ll see him again. I know it.